In Vain I Have Struggled. It Will Not Do...

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do."- Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

I have found myself avoiding writing this entry.....for a while now. I refused to even write it in my diary, say it to friends, and when I pray to God about it I know I sound extremely baffled by the whole situation. It’s barely a whisper as it leaves my lips. I find myself surprised, trying to think about when did it start, how did it happen? …Isn't that how it always is? It's when you least expect it...... the person you least expect and/or happens when you have no clue how it’s going to play out.  For me to say it to God and to myself is one thing, but to say it to others, write it, even acknowledge it opens me up to what I fear the most: rejection. One of my favorite verses comes to mind as I deal with my fear: 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (ESV).  I am in God, God is love. So His perfect love removes all fear from me because fear poses as a hindrance…. I really don’t know what tomorrow will hold, how this will play out or if it will play out and not just be something in my head. I encourage my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to trust Him always, acknowledge Him in all you do and He will direct you. Be blessed.

Joyce Meyer- Daily Devotionals: Continue Taking Steps of Obedience

I have to laugh at how God works. This weekend I was thuinking about certain situations in my life and I was about to give up and just forget the situation forever.  I haven't read Joyce Meyer in awhile and I was determined to read it today. I just wanted to share it because I know a lot of people can relate:



"Whatever He says to you, do it.

—John 2:5



Jesus' first recorded miracle took place while He was attending a wedding celebration. When the marriage couple ran out of wine to serve their guests, Mary asked her Son to do something about the situation, telling the servants, "Whatever He tells you to do, do it." Jesus ordered them to fill up several huge water pots. When they had done so, He directed them to draw out of the vessels the water which by then had been miraculously changed into wine (See John 2:1-11). Because of their obedience to Him, the physical needs of many were met that day.



If you are looking for a miracle in your life, make sure you are sowing seeds of obedience, because the Lord has promised us that if we do so in patient confidence and trust in Him, we will eventually reap: "And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint." (Galatians 6:9).



Sometimes when things are not working out the way we think they should or we are not receiving the answers to our prayers as quickly as we would like, we get the idea, "Well, since God's not doing anything, why should I? Why should I be obedient if it isn't producing results?" In such times we must realize that God is always working. We just may not be able to see it, because He usually works in secret. "



I pray that God continues to bless the Meyer family and use them to bring honour and glory unto His name. They always bless me.

While I'm Waiting

I love the song by John Waller called “While I’m Waiting” from the Fireproof Soundtrack. It had me thinking: while I’m waiting in my current situation what am I doing? I am giving my relationship with God more “face-time” so to speak, lol. I am also looking into ballet classes, French lessons, cooking, and looking into what classes I want to take before I start spring semester at Parsons. In other words: I am developing myself. I was so used to being what everyone expected me to be now I am being who God intended me to be. I like that: being who God intended me to be. That makes the possibilities as far as the horizon. In this time of waiting I look at it as a time of preparing. I am preparing and honing my skills that I will need later when I’m in Paris designing for Christian Lacroix (God willing his line is still around) or choreographing dances for the Praise Dance Ministry, or even cooking for fundraisers. The possibilities are endless. What are you doing while you’re waiting?

Everyone's Changing

I am in the beginning process of moving out of my old room I shared with my sister to move into a smaller room that is my mother’s. My sister moved out a couple of weeks ago and it feels so weird to have this large room to myself. I think I can hear echoes when I talk. Just joking, but its crazy how things are changing so quickly. My life sometimes feels like it in on pause while everyone else is on play. I feel like nothing is changing for me. But to God be the glory, I remind myself always that God’s time isn’t our time. Just because I want something now, doesn’t mean that is the time I should get it.

Lord Give Me the Patience

"Lord give me the patience, I need to hold out. Lord give the strength to fight this battle."
This chorus has been on my mind a lot lately. I need patience because lately I feel like I am going to throw a serious monkey wrench in the Lord's plan for my life and ruin everything. Sigh. I know I am the only one that will let God have His way or fight it. So as I wait the Lord will strengthen me and keep me.

It Takes Time....

Normally in this society if nothing works, we automatically want to throw it out and replace it with a new one. We don't get warranties anymore because we can always upgrade later. We are always looking for something bigger, better, thinner, smaller, and faster; even in the aspect of our growth. We don't want to slow down and repair ourselves, we want a quick fix. Diet pills, cleansers, anything to speed up the process instead of taking it day by day. I find myself thinking like that sometimes. I want to be able to do Pointe (dancing on your toes in Ballet) but it takes time. You have to strengthen your core, your legs and ankles before the teacher will consider you for Pointe classes. It's better to slowly build from the inside out than to jump right into the outside structure. It won't stand without a proper foundation. We have to constantly remind ourselves it's a daily process.....Any who, my job is having you a "Roadshow". In the insurance biz, that's a meet and greet during the day where you introduce your lines of insurance with hope of working with new brokers/clients. So it means it's really quiet at work; I love this time of year. In this quiet I feel comfortable, I feel like I can relax....I was talking to my mother this morning about who else? Mr. Darcy! I told her that we are so in love with the idea of him that no real man stands a chance. It brought to mind the sermon from Friday's Youth Service. We tell God what we want or what person we have in mind and sometimes it's nothing like the person God has for us. We become so in love with an idea that it prevents us from being able to love the actual person when they are brought before us.