In Vain I Have Struggled. It Will Not Do...

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do."- Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

I have found myself avoiding writing this entry.....for a while now. I refused to even write it in my diary, say it to friends, and when I pray to God about it I know I sound extremely baffled by the whole situation. It’s barely a whisper as it leaves my lips. I find myself surprised, trying to think about when did it start, how did it happen? …Isn't that how it always is? It's when you least expect it...... the person you least expect and/or happens when you have no clue how it’s going to play out.  For me to say it to God and to myself is one thing, but to say it to others, write it, even acknowledge it opens me up to what I fear the most: rejection. One of my favorite verses comes to mind as I deal with my fear: 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (ESV).  I am in God, God is love. So His perfect love removes all fear from me because fear poses as a hindrance…. I really don’t know what tomorrow will hold, how this will play out or if it will play out and not just be something in my head. I encourage my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to trust Him always, acknowledge Him in all you do and He will direct you. Be blessed.

We Can Never Be Friends.....?

"You realize of course that we could never be friends"- Harry Burns (When Harry Met Sally, 1989)

This movie is one of my favorites, it is absolutely hilarious! I have been thinking about this subject for a while and with my rap sheet I think it might be true. Once I got out of my akward all-arms and legs phrase and started to actually look and act like a girl; my friendship with all my guy friends into a new extremely level. Imagine being the one that know your guy friend like the back of your hand and they think your "hot" because you finally developed curves and you actually started to curl your hair, lol. That being said you can understand how I went from all my best friends being guy friends to having one. I have guy friends but I keep them at arms length since that all seem to want to date me. Being a girl that loves action and horror movies, football, basketball, eating junk food and just hanging out is a win-lose situation. So now as I get in contact with a lot of my former best friends via Facebook; I have to pose the question: can male and females who are or once were attracted to each other just be friends? Can we intentionally form a friendship without having the dreaded "where is this going" talk? It seems like EVERYONE wants to be in a relationship when they find out they have something in common. I know that relationships first start from friendship but can the relationship just be a friendship and nothing more?

Surprise!

I am so glad it’s over! I feel like I have been running around in circles today making sure we tie up loose ends, but when I saw her face when we yelled “Surprise” she started to cry and then she got so excited when we showed her the sari she was wearing for the night. After that, I was ready to call it a night. But it was so worth it; she is one of those people that deserve to be shown how much she’s appreciated.