In Vain I Have Struggled. It Will Not Do...

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do."- Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

I have found myself avoiding writing this entry.....for a while now. I refused to even write it in my diary, say it to friends, and when I pray to God about it I know I sound extremely baffled by the whole situation. It’s barely a whisper as it leaves my lips. I find myself surprised, trying to think about when did it start, how did it happen? …Isn't that how it always is? It's when you least expect it...... the person you least expect and/or happens when you have no clue how it’s going to play out.  For me to say it to God and to myself is one thing, but to say it to others, write it, even acknowledge it opens me up to what I fear the most: rejection. One of my favorite verses comes to mind as I deal with my fear: 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (ESV).  I am in God, God is love. So His perfect love removes all fear from me because fear poses as a hindrance…. I really don’t know what tomorrow will hold, how this will play out or if it will play out and not just be something in my head. I encourage my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to trust Him always, acknowledge Him in all you do and He will direct you. Be blessed.

Shine!!!!!!!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson

via Moptop Maven

World AIDS Day

I don’t know where to begin or how to address a topic as huge as this. I lost someone very dear to me to this virus. But AIDS didn’t kill him, his decisions did. AIDS is a disease that supports my whole “Your decisions don’t just effect you” mentality. When you don’t think or heed to the Holy Spirit, you open yourself up to sooo much trouble. We are supposed to seek God first and He will direct our paths. Many people will tell you that bad things happen to them because they decided to do their own thing. But it’s not just you who will be affected: your family, love ones, strangers etc. will be effected by that one decision you made. But as Christians, we can make a difference. We can show those who are sick that there’s a Healer in the house; He came to heal your inflictions spiritually, emotionally and physically. So on this day, let’s raise awareness that no matter who you are or what disease you are suffering from; there’s a Savior, a Doctor, a Friend that sticks closer than a Brother, a Way Maker, a Father, a Lover of our soul who can will love them, heal them and provide for them. We are not too far that He can’t reach us. Be blessed.

I'm Going to Be Honest

The Lord has been dealing with me about a certain area of my life where I can truly say I lack faith in: my love life. I will be brutally honest with you: I have made many mistakes in my past and I don’t feel I should be given anything for it. I mean, I know who God has for me but it feels like I would be more of a hindrance to him that a helpmate. And I realize that thinking is preventing me from moving towards what’s mine. When God told Abraham he would be a Father of many nations and he was extremely old did Abraham say “no God, there seems to be some kind of error”? No. He believed; he didn’t question God or try to figure out God’s plan he just let go and let God. These days we seem to forget that God is still the God that can move mountains, part seas, heal you just on your faith alone. So why do we limit Him to what we can do? God is so much bigger than us, so let us not put Him in a box or try to figure out what His next move is or how we’re getting to our “promise land”.